


Like You Always Said

by anorienparker



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-13
Updated: 2011-10-13
Packaged: 2017-10-24 13:56:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anorienparker/pseuds/anorienparker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jayne’s shuttle is captured by Reavers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like You Always Said

 

It wasn’t like Jayne to hide from a fight. It wasn’t like Jayne to hide, period.

He had no choice, however, when his shuttle had been captured by Reavers. He’d been on his way back from doing a quick job for Mal when the Reavers had found him. Luckily, he’d had time to crawl back into a ventilation shaft before they’d latched onto his shuttle and boarded but his ‘guest’, the man Mal had sent him to collect, hadn’t heard of the Reavers and decided he could talk some sense into them.

Needless to say, that hadn’t been the case.

What followed was like nothing Jayne had ever seen or heard in his life. He was stuffed into the crawl space so tightly he could barely breathe, but if he lifted his head up and craned his neck just right, could see just a little through the very corner of the vent cover. After only a few seconds, he hadn’t been able to look any more. His hands were stuck at his sides though, and he couldn’t move enough to cover his ears.

When Serenity found the shuttle late the next day, Simon had been frantic. He’d been the first one to board, ignoring Mal’s warning, gun in hand, ready to kill if he needed to.

The first thing he saw was blood. Everywhere. Even with all his experience, he was nearly sick.

He called out Jayne’s name over and over until he was hoarse, joining the others in looking in every place they could think of he might have hidden away in.

Mal was the one who eventually worked the ventilation shaft cover open and saw Jayne laying in the far corner, wide-eyed and shivering.

“Simon. He’s over here, son. I think it’s best you come and get him.”

Simon was there, pulling Mal away before the words were out of his mouth. Even though he was terribly claustrophobic, he was shimming through the shaft a moment later, stopping just short of his lover. “Jayne? Bao bei? It’s me....it’s Simon.”

Jayne froze for a moment, then jerked his head up so hard it banged against the back of the shaft. “S...simon?”

His eyes were dilated and even though he was staring right at Simon, he didn’t see him.

“Yes, it’s me,” Simon said softly, in the same voice he used to calm River. He’d never had to use that voice on Jayne before, and it scared him more than any Reaver ever could that he was having to do so now.

“You can come out now, Jayne. They’re gone.”

“They....” Jayne’s voice trailed off aimlessly before he blinked and tried to focus again on Simon. “Can’t come out. Reavers out there. Stay here with me, Doc. Stay here where it’s safe...”

Simon inched forward, trying to ignore the way the walls were closing in on him. “It’s safe out there now, Jayne. Mal’s here, and Book and Kaylee....we’re here to take you back to Serenity. To take you back home.” He reached out and very carefully touched Jayne’s face. Jayne jerked away and moved further back in the shaft.

All he could think about was the one passenger he’d seen months ago who’d been trapped onboard a ship with a group of Reavers. The man had turned into one of them himself; had gone mad. Mal’s killing him had been a mercy.

“Jayne, please, bao bei. Let’s go home.”

“Can’t.” Jayne’s voice was unsteady. Clearly he wanted to get out of the shaft, but he was sure Simon, the one person in all the ‘verse he really wanted to see, was just a figment of his imagination. “Reavers.”

Simon laid his head down on his arms and closed his eyes for a moment. Sweat was pouring from his forehead and he was doing everything in his power to stave off a panic attack.

After nearly a half hour of begging Jayne to come out, Simon was shaking as well. That seemed to make Jayne focus.

“You don’t like closed in spaces,” Jayne said, frowning.

Simon, pale and covered in sweat, merely shook his head. “No, I don’t. But I’m not leaving you in here by yourself,” he managed as he tried unsuccessfully to take a deep breath.

Jayne grunted, then a moment later managed to crawl forward. “You sure them Reavers is gone?”

“I promise they are,” Simon panted. “No one’s on this shuttle but me, you, Mal, Kaylee and Book. Zoe and Wash and River are back on Serenity waiting for us."

There was silence for a moment, then Jayne nodded. “Get out of here then. Ain’t no reason for you to suffer like this. Hate seein’ you that way.”

Simon, relieved, started to call back to Mal, but before he could get the words out, he felt the shaft move a little behind him as more weight was added. Hands clamped down around his ankles and started to pull him back. “Wait!”

He managed to pull his hands out from beneath him and reach for Jayne. Somehow, Jayne was able to move one of his arms and take Simon’s hand. When Simon shouted for them to go, both men were pulled slowly, painfully out of the small shaft, Book holding on to Simon’s ankles, and Mal pulling out Book, then Simon, then Jayne.

Simon sank to the floor as soon as he’d pulled Jayne out. He was still trying to catch his breath even as he was checking Jayne for injuries, though his hands were shaking too badly to do much good. Thankfully, Jayne was too focused on Simon to notice all the blood around them, at least for the moment, a fact which Simon registered at once.

He forced himself to stand and took Jayne’s face between his trembling hands. “Do you trust me?” he asked softly.

Jayne didn’t hesitate. “Yeah.”

“Then look at me. Don’t look anywhere else. Do this for me. Please.”

Jayne automatically started to look around them, but something in him told him that would be a bad idea. He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”

Simon felt someone’s hands on his waist, leading him backwards toward the door. The shuttle was thankfully dark and Jayne was as good as his word, not looking away until they were back on Serenity.

“I need to....to get you to the infirmary,” Simon managed, still trying to drag in enough air to satisfy his lungs.

“I think you need something to calm yourself down too, Doc,” Mal said, not at all sure Simon was capable at the moment of treating anyone.

“It’s just.....just a panic attack,” Simon said, shaking his head. “I’ve got something I can take. I just...I can’t stand closed spaces. They make me feel like I can’t breathe.”

“Come on,” Jayne said, taking Simon’s hand and leading him to the infirmary. For the moment, he was able to put Simon’s problems before his own, but everyone in the room, himself included, knew that wouldn’t be the case as soon as Simon was back to normal again.

Simon was a bit better by the time they reached the infirmary. He made his way over to the medicine cabinet and injected himself with an anti-anxiety drug, then sank into Jayne’s arms as he waited for it to take affect. The tight embrace should have made him feel confined again, but since the first time those arms had closed around him, he’d felt safe, and this was no exception. Jayne kept one arm around him, turned both their backs to the others, and touched Simon's face. "I've got ya, Doc, don't you worry," he said softly, as always, surprising everyone else in the room with just how gentle he could be when Simon needed him...not to mention how well he could hold himself together to help his lover through one of his biggest fears. "You've got this whole big room, hell, all of Serenity, and there ain't no walls closin' in any more. I ain't gonna let nothing happen to you. You know that, _bao bei._ "

The combination of the drug and Jayne's words and touches worked within minutes, and soon, Simon simply had his arms around Jayne and his face buried against the warmth of his neck.

Mal had followed them into the infirmary, one hand on his gun, keeping a close watch on Jayne. He too remembered the man that had hidden from the Reavers a few months before and he was ready for Jayne to turn crazy at any moment just like that poor man had. Jayne was clearly more concerned with Simon though, and Mal had to admit that he seemed all right for the moment.

“You shouldn’t have stayed in there with me,” Jayne whispered, rubbing Simon’s back. “I know it was only for a minute or two, but...”

When it was clear Simon wasn’t going to disagree, Mal spoke up. “It was damn near an hour by the time he got in n’ out,” he interjected.

Jayne’s eyes widened and he pulled Simon away so he could see his face. “You stayed in there an hour? Doc,...”

“I told you a long time ago, Jayne, that you weren’t alone any more. I wasn’t about to leave you there in that shaft by yourself.” Simon reached up and ran his hand over the back of Jayne’s shortly cropped hair. “Now let me check you out.”

Mal moved closer then and caught Simon’s eyes. “Don’t you think you ought to just give him something to calm him down first, and then get out of here, Doc? Just for a while? In case he.....well, if gets like it was before with that guy we...”

“No.”

Mal caught the flash of anger in Jayne’s eyes as their gazes met and he couldn’t help but notice the way his hands reflexively tightened on Simon’s arms for a split second.

“I didn’t leave him in the shaft and I’m certainly not planning on leaving him now, Mal. Jayne’s fine.” He turned to his lover and tried to smile, but quite honestly, Jayne looked horrible. He was sweating and pale, and much like Simon had been doing earlier, he was starting to shake.

Simon calmly grabbed a syringe and filled it with the same drug he’d given himself. “This will calm him down, Mal, but there’s nothing wrong with him. He’s not going to hurt us.”

“Doc, I think it’s best you get out of here...”

Simon injected Jayne’s arm and laid him back on the exam table. Jayne looked terrified but he didn’t speak, clearly torn between wanting Simon to stay with him and wanting him to leave the room...just in case.

“He’s not going to hurt me,” Simon said calmly. “He’s just in shock. He’ll be fine.”

Mal threw up his hands and made his way to the door. “Have it your way, but I’m damn well going to lock you in with him so nobody else gets killed. And if he murders and eats you, Doc, I don’t want you tryin’ to come back and haunt me, is that clear?”

“Crystal,” Simon said as he pulled a chair up by the exam table and took Jayne’s hand.

~*~

Jayne awoke nearly two hours later in the throes of a nightmare. As he opened his eyes, his brain was still deep in the dream and when he looked down, there was blood on his clothes, on his skin, in his mouth. There were bodies everywhere and just as his hand flew up to push away a Reaver, he realized it was Simon he was about it hit. It was too late to stop it though, and a heartbeat later, his hand connected with his lover’s face, knocking him to the floor.

Simon was back up a moment later even as Jayne was sitting up and reaching for him.

Simon should have been scared. He should have ran out of the infirmary and locked the doors behind him. Anyone else would have done just that. He didn’t think about the doors being locked though, didn’t think about running through them.

When Jayne slid bonelessly off the table, Simon was there to catch up him and somehow heave him back up again.

Jayne lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling for nearly a minute before he turned his head and focused on Simon. He reached up slowly and very gently wiped the blood away from Simon’s lip. “I’m sorry. I thought...”

“I know.” Simon nodded. “Let’s get you out of here and back in our bed where I can lay next to you.”

Jayne shook his head at once. “No. I don’t want you alone with me. Just in case I...”

“You won’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Dammit, Simon, you can’t know that.”

“You’re not going to hurt me, Jayne.”

Jayne threw his hands up and glared at Simon. “I just backhanded you across the gorram room and I wasn’t even trying. Who knows what I’ll do next?”

“Home, Jayne,” Simon said as he slipped one arm under Jayne's shoulders and helped him to sit up. “Let’s go home.”

Jayne started to argue, but he knew that look on Simon’s face. He decided to try reasoning with him instead. “Please, Simon. I don’t want to hurt you again.”

Simon sighed and pushed Jayne back on the table. A moment later he was climbing on top of him. Jayne’s arms automatically came up to wrap around him so he wouldn’t fall off, making Simon smile. “See? You’re protecting me, Jayne. You’re not going to hurt me.”

Jayne sighed in exasperation and rolled his eyes. “Fine. Let’s go home then. But you’re arming yourself with a gun and I expect you to use it if I go batshit crazy on your pretty ass.”

Simon slid off the table and took Jayne’s hand. “Come on.”

“I mean it.” Jayne pulled Simon back to stand next to the table. “Simon, you don’t know know what I saw back there. I can’t forget it. I know it makes some men crazy and I ain’t sure I ain’t one of those men. I mean....I never seen nothing like it. They....” He shuddered and looked down, trying to push the images away from his mind.

Simon let the backs of his fingers brush over Jayne’s cheek. “Tell me.”

Jayne shook his head.

“Tell me. It’ll help, I promise.”

Jayne closed his eyes and haltingly told Simon what he’d seen. When he finished that, Jayne scooted back on the table and pulled Simon up into his lap, then started telling him what he’d heard. He tried not to be too graphic, but Simon knew him well enough and slowly but surely dragged the details from him.

They both felt sick when it was over, but Jayne, at least, felt a little better at having gotten it off his chest and Simon did too, because clearly Jayne trusted him.

Finally, Jayne tucked a lock of hair behind Simon’s ear. “After that last scream, I closed my eyes,” he said softly. “Then....” He actually smiled at that moment, and let his eyes wander over Simon’s face. “There you were. I mean...it wasn’t you, not then, but I kept feeling like you was next to me, telling me to relax and be still, to close my eyes and not look, and sometimes, when it got really, really bad, I swear I felt you put your hands over my ears so I couldn’t hear the worst parts. Next thing I know, you were there for real, all bunched up in that gorram shaft, sticking with me just like you always said you would even though it was making you all twitchy and stuff.”

Simon returned Jayne’s smile and curled up against him. “Always going to be here, Jayne, for as long as you’ll have me.”

~*~

Mal, Kaylee, Book, Wash and Zoe sat at the kitchen table with River, who was telling them everything that was going on in the infirmary. It felt like eavesdropping, but Mal reasoned that they had to keep Simon safe, had to keep Jayne from going insane, and generally wanted to keep anyone else from dying, so he’d called on River and her ability to read. It wasn’t usually something she could do on demand, but she was worried about Simon too, and somehow, it worked.

“He was close, but Simon brought him back,” she said, toying with the pages of a book she’d found and ‘fixed’ much like she’d fixed Book's bible. “Thought he was alone, but he wasn’t. He’s scared of being alone almost as much as he’d scared of the Reavers but today.....Simon was with him, even when he wasn’t, and the sounds weren’t so bad, the sounds of flesh tearing and the Reavers crunching on bones and...”

“That’s enough, River,” Kaylee said softly, reaching out and taking her hand. River refocused and nodded.

“He’s okay now that he’s got Simon, but it could have gone either way.” River met Mal’s gaze and smiled. “Glad you didn’t set us off now, aren’t you? Glad you didn’t leave us on our own.”

Mal flushed but didn’t look away. “Yeah. Happy as a kid at Christmas. So Jayne’s not one we need to worry about then?”

“No. He’s good,” River smiled, then closed her eyes. “Really good, because right now, he’s got his fingers in Simon and he’s forgotten all about the Rev...”

“Oh, God...!”

Mal stood up so quickly his chair toppled over. Book disappeared like lightning, Zoe and Wash were gone a moment later but Kaylee was still sitting there holding River’s hand.

“You don’t mind them, honey. You go right on with your story....”


End file.
